The guise of guys

I love collective nouns. A collective noun is a name for the group of similar things. Well-known examples include a pride of lions, a colony of ants, a herd of cows, and a murder of crows. Some of my favorite, lesser-known collective nouns are a tower of giraffes...

Not for sail

My name is Curtis. I’m a 33-year-old man. I can’t swim.

At some point during summertime childhood swimming lessons, I flunked and didn’t receive my certificate to move to the next class. As a result, I dropped out.

Life in the past lane

I’m nostalgic for the past. I collect vinyl records and listen to them on my vintage turntable. I live in a house that was built in 1890. I write a newspaper column, which is something at this point I’ll have to explain to my grandkids from our colony on Mars.

What’s the difference?

When it comes to the finer things in life, some people have distinctly refined tastes. They can tell the difference between a St. Francis and a Sterling Cabernet Sauvignon. And—yes—I did just ask Google about fancy, expensive red wines in order to make that comparison.

Don't Peak Too Early

I think I peaked around age 25, which was longer ago now than I’d like to admit. 

When I was a boy, I peeked at my birthday presents because I couldn’t wait until the big day.

Understanding grammar has always piqued my interest.

When Opposites Exact

Let’s think about Lord of the Rings for a minute (and all word nerds rejoiced!). Remember Sméagol/Gollum? Whether you read Tolkien’s three-part epic or you watched it on the big screen (or both), Sméagol is an unforgettable character. He can turn from endearing and sweet to greedy and vengeful within the same breath.

Much Ado About A Lot

I’ll be the first to admit I didn’t understand or enjoy much of the Shakespeare assigned to me in high school. I hope that doesn’t ruin my reputation with my fellow word nerds. On the other hand, I love how Shakespeare invented words that are still common in our modern lexicon, including wormhole, swagger and skim milk.

Read Before Burning

I truly believe good grammar can make your life more awesome. It can lead to job opportunities, romantic relationships and even a syndicated column that makes you hyper-specifically famous. Conversely, bad grammar can turn your life into a country song.

The Slippery Slope of Fancy Roof Parties

I hope somebody invites me to a party on a roof someday. This not-quite-bucket-list dream of mine would make me feel like I have finally achieved a (literally) high social status. I can picture myself swirling a martini, talking about horses and stocks with some guy wearing a monocle—it would be so luxurious...