It’s all well and good—until it’s not

According to G.K. Chesterton, “The word ‘good’ has many meanings. For example, if a man were to shoot his grandmother at a range of five hundred yards, I should call him a good shot, but not necessarily a good man.” First of all, I have to tip my cap to Chesterton’s excellent use of the subjunctive case when he uses “were” in the second sentence.

An apostrophe-free farmers market

I love this time of year for many reasons, but perhaps my favorite thing about early summer is the farmers market. I make sure to stock up on kettle corn, sweet corn, cornhole bags, candy corn, and top off my peppercorn grinder. What can I say? In Indiana, we love our corn.

Tips on avoiding RAS Syndrome

I have some urgent news: there’s an epidemic sweeping the country. So far, scientists haven’t found a cure, but I’m happy to report that it’s preventable. It leaves people looking foolish in front of other people they’re trying to impress at parties and can, in rare cases, cause a breakup of a romantic relationship. I’m talking about RAS Syndrome.

A quick reality check on realty TV

Spring is in full swing. The bugs are back, seasonal allergies have come out of hiding, and “for sale” signs in front yards are as plentiful as dandelions. If this were a cartoon, all my Realtor friends would have cash register “ka-ching” sounds going off while dollar signs appeared in their puffy, pollen-plagued eyes.

An increasingly informal lexicon reflected in Dictionary.com’s newest word list

I can still remember buying my copy of “Webster’s Encyclopedic Unabridged Dictionary of the English Language” back in high school. It was raining that day, and I scurried into the local bookstore during lunch. This glorious red rectangle caught my eye with its shimmery gold-embossed letters. I had to have it. This thing was beefy. It contained 1,693 pages. It had the last word (literally) when it came to Scrabble disputes.

There is no future

There is no future. Feel free to go back to bed now.

You probably think I’m referring to the fact that we recently took a picture of a black hole, or maybe that climate change is happening at such a rapid pace it seems as if our planet is a lost cause...

It’s about time we discussed this

If having kids has taught me anything, it’s that I’m never going to be on time for anything again in my life. At best, I’ll be ten minutes late with at least one person crying and at least one person sporting an unidentified stain. But if time is all relative, does it really matter? Unfortunately, yes. In our culture of scheduled meetings, being time savvy is important.

Caught in the meddle

I had a friend visit me the other day to tell me about a problem. I listened to her secret shame and consoled her. Under the veil of anonymity, she agreed to allow me to use her issue, but not her real name. For our purposes, we’ll call her Gwenifer.

I see your point

Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

Ancient Romans used all capital letters, no spaces and no punctuation. Can you imagine that?

How do you plead?

I’m sure pleats will eventually come back into style. I still remember the pleated khakis I wore to church in the mid-1990s. My Dockers brand double-pleated pants complemented my penny loafers to perfection in order to create that “nice-Baptist-guy-all-the-girls-just-want-to-be-friends-with” look I was going for.

Do it anyway

I think we have a strong, American impulse that tells us to do something despite someone else’s warning to not do that very thing. I’m sure someone cautioned motorcycle stuntman Evel Knievel not to attempt jumping over a box of 50 rattlesnakes followed by two mountain lions in 1965, but he did it anyway.

Let’s agree to agree

You only have to look as far as your social media feed to realize people disagree over just about everything in our current climate. He’s a crook! She’s a liar! You’re crazy! And that’s among friends. It seems like the only thing we can agree on is we can’t agree on anything.